WARNING: NON-CYPHERPUNK QUESTION

[anonymous at extropia.wimsey.com]

Clark Reynard asked:

    Are there any fast, quick, reliable methods of forestalling phone
    disconnection due to failure to pay the bills, and the ugly
    reconnection fee which ensues thereupon?

I can't offer a method of *eliminating* your phone bill, but I have
been practicing a method of drastically *reducing* the charge for
local phone service.

Simply ask Pac Bell (In California) for "Lifeline" service.  The
monthly bill is $1.31, after "credits" for "inside wire repair" and
"Tel Equip" (for buying your own phone(s)).  Clark, do you think you
could afford that?

This gets you a local (outgoing) call allowance of 60 calls per month
(about 2 a day).  Unlike regular measured service, which measures (and
charges) by call *and length of call*, each of your 60 calls under
lifeline can be of unlimited length.  Back when I had a 2400 baud
modem, I frequently had single calls of 2-4 *hours* while uploading &
downloading files from various local BB's.  Calls beyond your 60-call
allowance are charged at $.08 per call.

Of course, there's a catch.  Lifeline service is only offered to
"poor" people.  You have to sign a statement every year certifying
that your combined family income doesn't exceed their guidlines. But
although they warn you that the Public Utilities Commission "may
investigate" your claim; they apparently never do! Unlike the PG&E
lifeline program, Pac Bell doesn't ask for *any* documentation of your
income like W-2 forms or copies of your tax returns.

I've been on lifeline service for *years*, I think almost since they
started offering it, back when the Bell system was broken up, and
local phone rates were raised sharply.  During most of that time, I
earned around $50,000/year.  Now I'm retired & my pension is about
$24,000, still well above the lifeline "guideline".

One caveat, I live in an area of San Jose where many of my neighbors
are working-class, a few on welfare, etc.  This scam might not work
from an address in Hillsboro, Los Gatos, or Saratoga; but who knows,
the PUC may be so incompetent and/or lazy that it might.

Considering the moral factors, if you *don't* claim lifeline
eligibility, then you are *charged* a few cents a month to pay for the
people who *do*!  You are also charged $1.75 for "access to a long
distance carrier", even if you don't call long distance. (but
lifeline customers get an offsetting credit and still have long
distance access).  So you have to choose to be a sheep or a wolf, a
victim or a victimizer, to either take unfair advantage of the system
or have it take unfair advantage of you; there is no middle ground.

Consider the pragmatic factors. Based on my experience, the chances of
getting "caught" seem remote.  If I'm ever investigated, I plan to
play dumb and claim I didn't understand the lifeline forms I signed.
Since I didn't provide any false documentation of a low income (they
didn't *ask* for any), be pretty hard to prove intent to commit fraud.
So I expect the worst that could happen is that I'd have to pay some
estimate of what my correct bill might have been less what I actually
paid.  I suspect there's a statute of limitations, which I've already
exceeded for most of the time I've been on lifeline. So this sounds
like a good bet.  If you win, you win big; if you lose, you break
even, with chances of losing being much less than 50/50.